Abstract
Public health and pandemic ethics frequently concern themselves with organizing principles, utility, and public policy. But the effects of pandemics, and the impact of measures to control them, are experienced by individuals and families. This is particularly true for those who are most vulnerable to COVID-19-the elderly and "infirm." So while ethics must assist in articulating the policies that will determine the allocation of resources during this and future pandemics, it must, at the same time, be alert to the intimate narratives of the infection. This is an account from someone looking down the muzzle of COVID-19.